Hey all, I just read through a scrap doc I wrote a few weeks back after a long night. It somehow feels important to share it, in case anybody feels a little bit ‘bleurgh’ about the world right now.
It’s time to write again, and whilst I still have faith in the buoyant optimism of my last post, I find myself picking up pen and paper (not literally, in this case) only when I feel compelled by frustration or sadness.
Today is a grey day, reminding me of polystyrene, or disused factories. There’s a flicker of mortality in the air – not in a macabre way, though. It’s rather a mortality of the mind, the soul, that I see when I look through the window.
And why do I feel like this? Likely from a night of little sleep. But, more relevant to the matter at hand, for various reasons yesterday I was made bitter. I felt old in my skin, and I felt unwanted by one whom I’ve called my closest friend for years.
But, as is so often the case, I have a choice now: let it bother me, or don’t.
I know I have my life ahead of me. Anybody who decides to attach a particular priority to one year – a dreamy age where all is achieved and nothing regretted – is a fool. Life is not a competitive sport, it’s a fun run. We do what we can, strive to be our best, but know that each and every one of us has a different reason for running as they do.
I know I did nothing wrong yesterday, and didn’t deserve to feel depressed. So, I am refusing to take it. Let the world pout all it wants, I am sure of myself and my dignity. All that’s left for me is to forge my own road ahead; be self-loving, not selfish; pay no mind to how the earth spins around me as I strive to be happy with myself. I’ve spent far too much of my life giving people – albeit, often close friends – far too much consideration. Let them think what they think. If I’m a bad guy, I’m sure somebody will let me know.