Reflecting on a success

I got the job!

I’ll be working as an administrator at the University of Birmingham, which is exciting not least because HE admin is a career path I’m definitely considering in the years to come. The pay’s decent, good benefits, nice area – I’m chuffed! … But I can’t shake the feeling that nothing’s changed.

The interview, in my opinion, sucked. I really thought I’d sunk like a punctured dinghy in a grey, drizzly, over-sized puddle of crap. With five days before hearing the unexpected news, I had plenty of time to ruminate, self-flagellate and of course, get hideously drunk. In the end, the phone call swept away my skin-deep moping. But as I smile to myself, I’m making a conscious effort to remember the all important fact: I over-reacted.

Misrepresenting yourself at a crucial moment, a moment when your pride, even your personality, seem to hang in the balance, is a tragic thing. Unfortunately, most of us with self-critical, ambitious natures have to go through the process quite a lot. Or at least, we think we do, and this was my problem.

I felt that once again, I’d sold myself out, by accident! This panel of friendly, intellectual staff were judging me, and I gave them just a mushy, unprofessional slop. Clearly, I was wrong. But what would it take to throw me back into those five days of pain? Or the past few weeks of zombification? A single sentence. ‘We don’t want you’.

When I do, inevitably, find myself at another loose end, how will I make it better? How will I prevent a normal, even common, experience from becoming wasteful, or worse, character-defining? Something to think about…

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