“Reflection! Reflection! Reflection!”
Reminiscing over the somewhat wobbly roller-coaster that has been my half-year venture into Career Land, these are the words which whistle through my ears most often. I’m not talking about mirrors, in case you’re wondering, although “Look at yourself in the mirror!” is another regular visitor.
Before I explain, here’s some background info. I’ve just left my first job as a real, no studying, council tax paying, suit wearing adult. I was a Teach First teacher (cue applause/cheering/cultic chanting).
I was miserable.
Everyone told me it was going to be difficult, excruciating even, and I thought I was prepared. Indeed, to some extent I was. My assessments were good. I was dealing with the work. My colleagues even liked me (I think). But when you find yourself kicking and screaming in the middle of a Wednesday night, wishing the sun could not rise just this once, something’s not right. When you spend your Christmas holidays blubbering into a pillow, you know it’s time to throw in the towel. (But this isn’t a sob story. I’m forcing myself past it whether I like it or not (plus I can explain the nauseating emotional details to you later). The reason I’m writing this is precisely so that I can move forward, and maybe even (if I’m incredibly lucky) encourage some of you, in one way or another, to do the same.
Life can be fucking hard. My teeny, nonthreatening, privileged little experience has taught me that. But what teaching has also taught me (and this part’s only just hit me, really) is that if you don’t look back, you can’t look forward. So that’s what this is about. Looking back, looking forward. Reflection! (*Puke*)
There’s definitely some shit in the future; my next post might help to explain this cynicism. But I’m tired of letting it smother me. I’m deciding to use it, because there’s a hell of a lot to look forward to, as well. So come, one and all, to watch me fail, then fail less drastically, and – you guessed it – reflect on what it takes to be a moderately successful young adult today.